Hello, Monkey Brain, I’d Like You to Meet Inner Zen

Lately, my thoughts have been all over the place. You know the term monkey mind? It’s the perfect visual—thoughts swinging from one idea to the next like monkeys grabbing for branches. No pause, no time for reflection, just one chaotic scene after another, like a movie spliced with commercials advertising every little thing in life that needs attention.

I was very proud of myself this morning. I got up at 5:30 and thought, I have ZERO excuse not to meditate today—a habit I’m insanely inconsistent with lately, and I’m definitely feeling the repercussions of not sticking to it. So, I sat down to meditate, thinking I could rein in the chaos of it all. Ha! My brain had other plans. I caught a moment of peace, a small glimpse of silence, and then—bam—another thought barged in. Some were lovely, some were practical, and some were complete nonsense (like wondering what to eat for breakfast). It felt like my brain was hosting a town hall meeting I didn’t RSVP to.

 As a psychic medium and empath, I can’t help but analyze the why. A full moon this week? Check. Work deadlines? Yep. Unfinished creative projects? Absolutely. Add in the small stuff, like Trader Joe’s being out of my favorite coffee creamer (how rude! 😂), and you’ve got the perfect storm.

 But here’s the thing: most of it wasn’t urgent or even important. It was just noise—thoughts piling up like a basket of laundry waiting to be folded.

Right when I was about to give up on meditation altogether, my spirit guides chimed in with a solution: “Focus on sound, not thought. Just listen.”

At first, I’ll admit, I kind of rolled my eyes (because, of course, it sounds simple when they say it), but I decided to try—no quitters here! I hit shuffle on my playlist, picked some music, and let the sound wash over me. The shift was almost immediate. My thoughts didn’t disappear completely (I’m human, after all), but they softened. The music became an anchor, pulling me into the present moment.

But let me tell you, sometimes your music choices need something a little stronger than calming waves, flutes, and birds chirping in the background. And this should tell you where my current mental state is lately—I’m needing the extra shot of espresso kind of level of zen (I do love a good coffee reference). For me, this morning, it was AC/DC’s Back in Black. The beat, the lyrics—it works. Believe it or not, it brings me back to the present. Crazy, right?

Here’s the thing, It worked, not because I fought the thoughts, but because I gave them permission to fade into the background. Did it last for long? Uhhm, no. “laughing” But it worked. And even if it was just for five minutes, those five minutes were glorious.

So, where’s the lesson here? Is there one? Why, yes, there is—and that’s why it’s a blog post. Haha. This experience reminded me of something we often forget: the monkey mind isn’t here to torment us; it’s simply part of being alive. It’s our brain’s way of trying (and often failing) to process the millions of inputs we face every day. Instead of wrestling it into submission, sometimes the best thing we can do is shift our focus and let it settle on its own.

For me, sound became the bridge to stillness. For you, it might be the rhythm of your breath, the feel of a cozy blanket, or even the hum of the dishwasher. Stilling the mind doesn’t have to mean sitting in lotus position (and, if you’re like me, losing all feeling in your legs). It’s about whatever keeps you in the present moment. Finding that anchor—whatever it may be—can help you stop swinging from branch to branch and simply be.

Life is full of monkey mind moments, but they don’t have to control us. Instead of fighting the chaos, find your anchor—whether it’s sound, breath, or a good cup of coffee (preferably with creamer, if Trader Joe’s isn’t sold out). I can’t help myself.

If you’re like me and your brain feels like it’s hosting a thought parade, remember this: you don’t need to fix it. You just need to pause, listen, and trust that stillness will find you. And if all else fails, there’s always music. Sometimes, a little rock music helps. There’s something about the guitar riffs and drums that make your head bob and your shoulders move—bringing you right back to center. 😂😉🎸

The cost of fitting in & breaking old cycles

This morning, I found myself reflecting on a conversation I had the other day, where I tried to fit in by venting about a frustrating situation. In the moment, it felt easier to just let it all out—something we all do from time to time. But afterward, I couldn’t shake how I felt about my participation in the conversation. I didn’t like it. This wasn’t who I am.

While I understand that I’m human and deserving of grace, I also realized something profound: solutions often live in the world of acceptance. They emerge when we hit that internal pause button, especially when we find ourselves caught up in throwing more wood on the fire, instead of being the positive force of self-restraint, even in the smallest of moments.

Accepting a situation for what it is doesn’t mean giving up or ignoring your feelings. It means recognizing that some things are beyond our control and choosing how we respond to them. When we do that, we shift from reacting to reflecting, creating space for clarity and growth.

This moment reminded me that my self-awareness is truly a gift. Even when we stumble, each realization brings us closer to our best selves, and I’m so grateful for it. Growth doesn’t mean perfection—it means choosing to learn and move forward, one step at a time.

False doors and open hearts

In a world where we often carry the weight of our past wounds, it’s easy to believe that our worth resides in the hurt we’ve endured. We find ourselves standing at a false door—a barrier created to protect our hearts but one that keeps us from truly seeing the depth of our potential and desires.

The path to self-discovery calls for balance and harmony with both our past and present. To grow, we must learn to walk away from the pain that no longer serves us, placing self-forgiveness at the forefront and releasing what binds us to the stories of who we once were.

We build walls around our hearts, thinking we’re shielding ourselves from harm. But these walls do more than protect—they isolate. While we may keep hurt out, we also block love, opportunity, and truth from coming in. Our journey is not about avoiding pain but about courageously facing it, knowing we are strong enough to endure and heal.

Harmony comes from understanding that our past does not define our worth. Every experience—joyful or painful—has shaped the incredible beings we are today. By reflecting on past experiences rather than clinging to them, we create space for new opportunities to flow into our lives.

When we stop guarding our hearts so fiercely, we begin to see clearly what we truly desire. Whether it’s love, purpose, or a deeper connection to our intuition, we allow ourselves to ask, “What do I truly want? What fulfills me?”

When we align with our inner truth and let our intuition guide our path, we find that desires born of fear fall away. What remains are the pursuits that light our souls on fire.

The most profound connections—both with others and with ourselves—come when we let down our walls and trust that the universe is guiding us toward our highest good. Healing is not about erasing the past but about integrating its lessons with grace and compassion.

Remember, your worth does not live in the wounds of yesterday but in the light you allow to shine today. You have the power to release, forgive, and align with your true self. The universe is waiting to meet you where you are, ready to co-create the life you desire.

The hidden grief behind our personal growth

I recently came across a quote by Té V Smith that said, “No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth,” and it really hit home for me. Looking back on the peaks and valleys of my own journey, I realize just how true this is. Personal growth is often seen as something positive—
an exciting journey toward becoming the best version of ourselves. But after reading that quote, I felt it was important to talk about the part of growth that we don’t discuss enough: the mourning that comes with it.

As we pour time and energy into self-care, self-love, and self-worth, we naturally evolve. And with that evolution comes the release of old habits, shifts in our relationships, and versions of ourselves that no longer serve us. This process can definitely feel like a form of loss, and with it comes grief.

The spiritual journey is often portrayed as a path of light, peace, and harmony, and while that’s true, I believe the shadow parts of ourselves play an even greater role in helping us find that peace and harmony—it’s the darkness before the dawn, if you will. When we transition from one chapter of our lives to another, it can feel like letting go of the parts of ourselves we’ve clung to for comfort. Some of these parts have been with us for so long that it feels almost impossible to imagine life without them. Letting go can stir deep emotions, often bringing to the surface feelings we had buried, brushed under the rug or thought we had moved on from—without realizing there was more work to do.

When these emotions resurface, what I call ‘the pits of despair’ within myself can set in. There have been multiple times when I couldn’t stop crying for hours. And those in my inner circle know I’ve referred to it as the “Angelique Pity Party.” Maybe I’m being hard on myself in those moments, but that’s part of the process too. Feeling all the doom, gloom, and “why mes” can crack you open, as if you’re standing at the doorway to your soul, realizing, “Okay… it’s time to go.” You can’t hold on to this anymore if you want to move forward. And those tears, well, they become the beginning of transformation, of mourning. That’s how it’s been for me, and it’s something I’ve heard others talk about and go through as well.

But the mourning isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It’s proof of the depth of the transformation we’re experiencing. It takes true courage to let go of the parts of ourselves that no longer serve us—the stuck parts or the pieces of our lives that just don’t fit anymore. While growth involves mourning, on the flip side, it brings resilience, wisdom, and a deeper connection to ourselves. Every time we release something that no longer serves us, we create space for new opportunities, healthier relationships, and the big one—more self-awareness. You find yourself in a state where you become “the forever student,” constantly evolving, and that’s something worth celebrating.

It’s important to remind ourselves that it’s okay to mourn our past, to feel the depth of that loss, but also to not lose sight of the beauty in what’s unfolding. Our spiritual journey is one of constant renewal. As my spirit guides once said to me, “Your awakening, my love, does not come but once. This is the path of many roads, many mountains. What you seek has never been lost, but the length of your journey to discover this, my dear, is completely up to you.” Powerful words I’ll never forget.

For those of you on the path of personal growth, know that you are not alone! Every soul experiences this duality—the grief of letting go and the joy of stepping into something new. Trust that your growth is unfolding as it’s meant to, even when it feels difficult. You have the courage and strength to navigate these changes and emerge more empowered, more aligned with your truest self.

Remember, the mourning is temporary, but the growth is eternal.

No Going Back: Choosing Peace, Love, and Joy

There comes a time in each of our lives when everything we’ve ignored or brushed under the rug rises to the surface, demanding our attention. For me, that time came while standing at a clear crossroads—uncomfortable, unhappy, and feeling utterly stuck. You might often hear me mention that one meditation class that changed everything. I entered seeking peace of mind, yet I left with a profound reawakening to myself and the spirit world. That moment marked both the beginning and the end of my 16-plus-year marriage, serving as a pivotal turning point not only in my relationship but also in my personal and spiritual journey.

For years, I played the role of the fixer—non-confrontational and without any clear boundaries. I contorted myself into various shapes to make things work, all the while losing touch with who I truly was. I became like a doormat, hoping that eventually someone would recognize my worth. In the process, I buried my true self, and it weighed me down like a heavy cloak. I was like an ostrich, hiding my head in the sand, avoiding the truth. Looking back now, I can say, “Yes, I knew the truth, but I wasn’t ready to face it.” And for that, I extend myself grace, recognizing that I did my best given where I was on my journey. But, oh, that meditation class was the crack that opened a deeper connection to myself and the universe. It was time for transformation.

Spiritual awakenings are intensely personal and unique to each of us; they don’t follow a set plan or schedule. For me, it felt like shedding layers of skin, reminding me of the symbolism of a snake and its transformative meaning—something I shared in my last blog post. Over time, I’ve witnessed different versions of myself emerge. Up until my forties, I realized I had been fearless in many areas of my life, except in my relationships. I navigated through life absorbing everyone else’s challenges but was too afraid to make significant changes within myself. So, when my awakening struck, it felt like running into a wall. All the things I had tolerated or ignored became impossible to unsee.

My self-worth began to come alive, but it didn’t happen overnight. It felt like stepping into a new body and way of thinking, forcing me to unlearn everything I had known. The clarity was undeniable: I couldn’t continue living as I had before.

At 43, I embarked on a wild, beautifully twisting journey, and now, in my late fifties, I’m beginning to truly understand the art of self-love. But let me be honest—self-love isn’t about reaching a magical endpoint. It’s a significant shift for sure, but it’s an ongoing journey. Every time I think I’ve got it figured out, another layer of growth emerges, reminding me that this path is continuous—and I am incredibly grateful for it.

What I’ve learned over the years is that every person we meet acts as a mirror, reflecting back parts of ourselves—whether they show us kindness, indifference, or even cruelty. The important question to ask ourselves is always, “How am I showing up for myself in these situations?” The people we surround ourselves with either enhance our journey or detract from it. Today, I don’t even question this; it took a long time and hard work to evaluate my choices and opt for those who uplift me, aligning with the peace, joy, and happiness I want in my life. For those of us who have experienced a lifetime surrounded by a sea of negative influences, this was no small feat.

Of course, my internal fears and triggers haven’t disappeared. They still exist, but instead, I face them, take them by the hand, and guide them into the light alongside me. They’re part of my journey too, and embracing them has helped me grow in ways I never thought possible.

Loving ourselves means continuously showing up for ourselves, making choices that reflect our true values, and acknowledging that this journey is ongoing. Every encounter and relationship—whether loving or challenging—serves as a reflection of our inner world, challenging us, teaching us, and fostering our growth.

Our individual awakenings are processes that aren’t always easy; that’s an understatement. But if you asked me whether I would change it, my answer would be an automatic no. With every choice, I find myself moving closer to the version of me that is aligned with happiness. There’s no going back from that.

Each step we take toward self-discovery is a gift to ourselves, and it’s worth it—we are worth it. When we learn to trust the process, practice patience, and allow ourselves to be open to our own personal growth, we begin to connect with our authentic selves. We are all on this crazy ride together. Why not let it empower you?!