The hidden grief behind our personal growth

I recently came across a quote by Té V Smith that said, “No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth,” and it really hit home for me. Looking back on the peaks and valleys of my own journey, I realize just how true this is. Personal growth is often seen as something positive—
an exciting journey toward becoming the best version of ourselves. But after reading that quote, I felt it was important to talk about the part of growth that we don’t discuss enough: the mourning that comes with it.

As we pour time and energy into self-care, self-love, and self-worth, we naturally evolve. And with that evolution comes the release of old habits, shifts in our relationships, and versions of ourselves that no longer serve us. This process can definitely feel like a form of loss, and with it comes grief.

The spiritual journey is often portrayed as a path of light, peace, and harmony, and while that’s true, I believe the shadow parts of ourselves play an even greater role in helping us find that peace and harmony—it’s the darkness before the dawn, if you will. When we transition from one chapter of our lives to another, it can feel like letting go of the parts of ourselves we’ve clung to for comfort. Some of these parts have been with us for so long that it feels almost impossible to imagine life without them. Letting go can stir deep emotions, often bringing to the surface feelings we had buried, brushed under the rug or thought we had moved on from—without realizing there was more work to do.

When these emotions resurface, what I call ‘the pits of despair’ within myself can set in. There have been multiple times when I couldn’t stop crying for hours. And those in my inner circle know I’ve referred to it as the “Angelique Pity Party.” Maybe I’m being hard on myself in those moments, but that’s part of the process too. Feeling all the doom, gloom, and “why mes” can crack you open, as if you’re standing at the doorway to your soul, realizing, “Okay… it’s time to go.” You can’t hold on to this anymore if you want to move forward. And those tears, well, they become the beginning of transformation, of mourning. That’s how it’s been for me, and it’s something I’ve heard others talk about and go through as well.

But the mourning isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It’s proof of the depth of the transformation we’re experiencing. It takes true courage to let go of the parts of ourselves that no longer serve us—the stuck parts or the pieces of our lives that just don’t fit anymore. While growth involves mourning, on the flip side, it brings resilience, wisdom, and a deeper connection to ourselves. Every time we release something that no longer serves us, we create space for new opportunities, healthier relationships, and the big one—more self-awareness. You find yourself in a state where you become “the forever student,” constantly evolving, and that’s something worth celebrating.

It’s important to remind ourselves that it’s okay to mourn our past, to feel the depth of that loss, but also to not lose sight of the beauty in what’s unfolding. Our spiritual journey is one of constant renewal. As my spirit guides once said to me, “Your awakening, my love, does not come but once. This is the path of many roads, many mountains. What you seek has never been lost, but the length of your journey to discover this, my dear, is completely up to you.” Powerful words I’ll never forget.

For those of you on the path of personal growth, know that you are not alone! Every soul experiences this duality—the grief of letting go and the joy of stepping into something new. Trust that your growth is unfolding as it’s meant to, even when it feels difficult. You have the courage and strength to navigate these changes and emerge more empowered, more aligned with your truest self.

Remember, the mourning is temporary, but the growth is eternal.

Building the Bridge: How Meditation Transformed My Life and Opened My Spirit

Life can definitely feel like a whirlwind sometimes, with thoughts racing nonstop and emotions pulling us in every direction. For years, my mind was like that—constantly jumping from one thing to the next. I was stuck in “monkey mind” mode, always overthinking, restless, and overwhelmed by anxiety, heart palpitations, and panic attacks. Sitting still felt like an impossible task, and peace seemed way out of reach.

Then, I found meditation.

At first, I turned to it because I needed some calm in my life. And sure enough, it did that—helped quiet the noise, soothed my anxiety, and made me feel more grounded. But what I didn’t expect was how meditation would do so much more than just calm my mind—it became a doorway to something bigger, something I hadn’t even realized I was searching for.

Meditation opened me up to a whole new level of awareness. Little by little, it helped me connect to something beyond the everyday world. I started sensing the presence of departed loved ones, angels, ascended masters, and beings of light. And while this sounds like something out of a storybook, it became my reality. Meditation had become the bridge that allowed me to step into the spirit world.

But it didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken me 13 years of practice—and trust me, I haven’t been perfect at it every day. Some days I showed up, and some days I didn’t. But I kept coming back. And from the moment I felt the presence of my father in a meditation class, not long after he had passed away, I knew I was on a journey I couldn’t turn away from.

I was hooked. After that first connection, my mornings and evenings became dedicated to meditation. Sometimes I’d sit for nearly an hour, my mind so still that it felt like time itself had stopped. Of course, eventually, my legs would fall asleep, and I’d have to come back down to earth! But even on the days when I could only squeeze in five minutes, the effects were just as powerful.

Meditation taught me that it’s not about how long you sit—it’s about showing up. It’s about letting go of expectations and just being present with yourself, even for a few moments.

For me, meditation became more than just a way to calm my anxiety. It became a path to discovering a deeper sense of purpose, a way to connect with the universe, and to tap into a well of love and guidance I never knew existed.

If you’re feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just curious about what else might be out there, I encourage you to give meditation a try. It doesn’t have to be perfect or long. Just start with a few minutes and see where it takes you.

You might just find that, like me, it becomes the bridge that connects you to something greater—a space where your mind quiets, your heart opens, and your spirit expands. And in that space, you’ll find the peace, clarity, and connection you’ve been searching for all along.

In the light of darkness

There is a powerful quote by Carl Jung that resonates deeply: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” This profound truth stirs the soul, inviting us to reflect on our own awakening—a transformative experience we never forget. It is as if we were handed a pair of sacred lenses, revealing the hidden depths within our hearts.

When we awaken, we often seek refuge in the embrace of the light, yearning for the warmth of enlightenment as we journey back to our true selves. Yet, those who tread this path of transformation understand that true growth blossoms from the shadows within. To make the darkness conscious, as Jung so eloquently puts it, is to honor the full spectrum of our being.

In these moments of profound self-discovery, we unearth the keys to our true potential, even when we resist. The lessons I have gathered along this sacred path teach us to embrace every step of our journey with grace, recognizing the divine balance of light and darkness. Without recognizing both, we miss out not only on finding inner peace but also witness the radiant brilliance of our souls.

Poem: Transcending Shadows

Blades sear and silence, as if speech itself were forbidden, imprisoning you behind towering walls and locked doors. In the face of defeat, you forget the power you hold within. The clock mocks you, each tick a thorn constricting your path. Trapped in the chaos of storms and tornadoes, wounded and barely mended, you are carried away by tides that shiver in defeat. Small and helpless, boxed in darkness, caged and beaten, your eyes close to the vast expanse of your soul, forgetting you hold the key.

Leave the past to rest, my dear. Grieve its passage, and send it love’s gentle embrace. Look beyond the veil; your vessel has arrived. Take my hand, for here is my lantern to illuminate the way. I will be your wings to soar above, your companion and confidant, your friend and protector. Fear not, for in unity, we will transcend the shadows, embracing the love and power that reside within your divine essence—your destiny.

Poem: Boundless Skies

Purity resides in the heart, running wild like a child where pirates roam and dragons soar. Life blossoms in the tiniest wonders: a blade of grass, a flower to pick, the sky to gaze upon. In this realm, freedom cascades through every breath, as the mind surrenders and no longer dictates. The field is wide and vast, stretching beyond sight, soaring above the trees. Here, you are the observer, voyager, explorer, and stargazer.

Limitations no longer bind you in the slavery of defeat; instead, they lift you to wonder, curiosity, and hope. As the false mirror crumbles, an unveiling and rebirth are witnessed, reclaiming a song long forgotten. You embody timeless truth, pure in essence—you are home.