There comes a time in each of our lives when everything we’ve ignored or brushed under the rug rises to the surface, demanding our attention. For me, that time came while standing at a clear crossroads—uncomfortable, unhappy, and feeling utterly stuck. You might often hear me mention that one meditation class that changed everything. I entered seeking peace of mind, yet I left with a profound reawakening to myself and the spirit world. That moment marked both the beginning and the end of my 16-plus-year marriage, serving as a pivotal turning point not only in my relationship but also in my personal and spiritual journey.
For years, I played the role of the fixer—non-confrontational and without any clear boundaries. I contorted myself into various shapes to make things work, all the while losing touch with who I truly was. I became like a doormat, hoping that eventually someone would recognize my worth. In the process, I buried my true self, and it weighed me down like a heavy cloak. I was like an ostrich, hiding my head in the sand, avoiding the truth. Looking back now, I can say, “Yes, I knew the truth, but I wasn’t ready to face it.” And for that, I extend myself grace, recognizing that I did my best given where I was on my journey. But, oh, that meditation class was the crack that opened a deeper connection to myself and the universe. It was time for transformation.
Spiritual awakenings are intensely personal and unique to each of us; they don’t follow a set plan or schedule. For me, it felt like shedding layers of skin, reminding me of the symbolism of a snake and its transformative meaning—something I shared in my last blog post. Over time, I’ve witnessed different versions of myself emerge. Up until my forties, I realized I had been fearless in many areas of my life, except in my relationships. I navigated through life absorbing everyone else’s challenges but was too afraid to make significant changes within myself. So, when my awakening struck, it felt like running into a wall. All the things I had tolerated or ignored became impossible to unsee.
My self-worth began to come alive, but it didn’t happen overnight. It felt like stepping into a new body and way of thinking, forcing me to unlearn everything I had known. The clarity was undeniable: I couldn’t continue living as I had before.
At 43, I embarked on a wild, beautifully twisting journey, and now, in my late fifties, I’m beginning to truly understand the art of self-love. But let me be honest—self-love isn’t about reaching a magical endpoint. It’s a significant shift for sure, but it’s an ongoing journey. Every time I think I’ve got it figured out, another layer of growth emerges, reminding me that this path is continuous—and I am incredibly grateful for it.
What I’ve learned over the years is that every person we meet acts as a mirror, reflecting back parts of ourselves—whether they show us kindness, indifference, or even cruelty. The important question to ask ourselves is always, “How am I showing up for myself in these situations?” The people we surround ourselves with either enhance our journey or detract from it. Today, I don’t even question this; it took a long time and hard work to evaluate my choices and opt for those who uplift me, aligning with the peace, joy, and happiness I want in my life. For those of us who have experienced a lifetime surrounded by a sea of negative influences, this was no small feat.
Of course, my internal fears and triggers haven’t disappeared. They still exist, but instead, I face them, take them by the hand, and guide them into the light alongside me. They’re part of my journey too, and embracing them has helped me grow in ways I never thought possible.
Loving ourselves means continuously showing up for ourselves, making choices that reflect our true values, and acknowledging that this journey is ongoing. Every encounter and relationship—whether loving or challenging—serves as a reflection of our inner world, challenging us, teaching us, and fostering our growth.
Our individual awakenings are processes that aren’t always easy; that’s an understatement. But if you asked me whether I would change it, my answer would be an automatic no. With every choice, I find myself moving closer to the version of me that is aligned with happiness. There’s no going back from that.
Each step we take toward self-discovery is a gift to ourselves, and it’s worth it—we are worth it. When we learn to trust the process, practice patience, and allow ourselves to be open to our own personal growth, we begin to connect with our authentic selves. We are all on this crazy ride together. Why not let it empower you?!
