Lessons in Love and Letting Go: How Breaking Cycles Led Me to Something Real

Love has never been an easy conversation for me. Not in my personal reflections, and certainly not outside of my closest circle. Maybe it’s because romantic love has been one of my greatest teachers—the hardest lesson to heal from in this lifetime.

I used to wonder, What am I doing wrong? Why did love always feel just out of reach, like chasing a shadow that disappeared the moment I got close? The truth was, I had spent so much time searching outside myself for validation, clinging to relationships that felt familiar but weren’t healthy, convincing myself that if I just tried harder, gave more, sacrificed enough, love would finally find me worthy.

It took years—years—of unraveling, soul-searching, and yes, even yelling at God in moments of frustration. But through that process, I came to understand that love wasn’t something I had to chase. It was something I had to embody.

The Art That Taught Me About Love

Years ago, post-divorce and deep in self-discovery, I created a large canvas art piece—a collage of torn newspaper, mixed media, and words that represented the kind of love I sought. In the image, a man stood holding an umbrella in the rain, offering shelter. I had my own umbrella too, a symbol of self-sufficiency. The raindrops carried words like love, compassion, values, empathy, partnership.

At the time, it was my declaration of hope. But after another painful disappointment, I got angry, felt abandoned by the universe, and threw it in the dumpster.

This morning, I stumbled upon an old picture of it—not the finished piece, but a work in progress. And that felt fitting. Love itself is a work in progress. Healing is a work in progress. I am a work in progress.

Finding Love Within First

For a long time, I was desperate to be chosen. But that desperation led me to settle for breadcrumbs when I deserved the whole feast. I spent years trying to figure out why I kept attracting the wrong people when the real question was: Am I loving myself the way I want to be loved?

That was the shift. I started treating my loneliness not as a void to be filled, but as an invitation to get to know myself. I took solo road trips, said yes to experiences I would’ve once waited for a partner to do with me, and surrounded myself with people who felt like home. I stopped fearing solitude and started living.

When I went on dates, my mindset changed. Instead of asking, Do they like me? I asked, Do I like them? Do they align with my values? Are they showing up with the same energy and intention I am? If not, there was no need to linger. I had made a deal—with myself, my higher self, and my spiritual team: If they’re not in alignment, let’s move on swiftly and with grace.

 Of course, this approach wasn’t always met with applause. Friends and family told me I was being too picky. That I’d never find someone if I kept setting my standards so high. But I had made my peace with that. I knew the kind of love I desired existed, but I also accepted that I might not experience it in this lifetime. And I had to be okay with that.

The Beauty of Surrender

And then, when I was no longer searching, no longer gripping onto expectations with white-knuckled hope, love found me. A love that challenges me, expands me, and asks me to show up as the best version of myself. A love that is seen, heard, valued. A love that is invested—not just in the moment, but in the foundation we’re building together.

And so, on this Valentine’s Day, as I find myself a few hours away from this beautiful man, I realize something: Love is not just about the day itself. It is not about grand gestures or societal expectations. It is about presence, about growth, about the quiet knowing that we are walking this path together, with hearts open and hands willing to build something real.

For however long I am gifted with this experience, I hold it with deep gratitude. None of us are promised a lifetime, or even a tomorrow, but we are given the gift of now—this moment, this love, this sacred connection that is unfolding before me. And that is enough. That is everything.

To those still on the journey—don’t lose hope. Don’t let past disappointments close your heart. Keep choosing yourself. Keep believing. Love has a way of arriving exactly when it’s meant to, in ways more beautiful than you ever imagined.