Insights from My Journaling: Spirit Guide Wisdom, False Narratives, and Roadblocks

This morning, as I journaled, I found myself unpacking a lot—asking questions, seeking clarity, doing some automatic writing, and engaging in a little Q&A with my spirit guides, something I haven’t done in a long time. Two things have been weighing on me—Pure human(y) stuff. First, my body. I had always been at a healthy weight, sometimes even underweight, until I hit my 40s. I understand the role hormones play, but I’ve gained more weight than I want to acknowledge, and deep down, I know it’s about more than just eating healthy and exercising. There’s something beneath the surface.

Second, my mediumship. I’ve been struggling to understand my roadblocks—what’s keeping me from fully accepting and stepping into it? I needed clarity, so I asked. And then, a video showed up in my feed (Love how spirit works), I heard global speaker Elizabeth Anne Walker pose a question that struck me: “When I think about ____, what emotion am I feeling?”

So, I asked myself: When I think about my weight gain, what emotion am I feeling right now?

The answer came quickly: shame. At first, I wasn’t sure why that word surfaced, but as I sat with it, I realized it wasn’t about the number on the scale—it was about my worth. A deeply ingrained belief whispered that I am only worthy if I look a certain way, if I fit into a particular image. And yet, I know that isn’t true. I’ve done the work. I’ve brought awareness to these thoughts. But somehow, my body still holds on.

So, I asked again. When I think about my weight gain, what emotion am I feeling? This time, the word was regret. Regret for letting my body go, for feeling more tired, foggy, and unbalanced, for not treating myself with the care I know I deserve and need. But before I could sink deeper into those emotions, my spirit guides stepped in with a response:

“What you are feeling is out of alignment, and that’s why everything feels hard. Realignment is a choice, and yours alone. You have to choose to get up, to meditate, to nourish your body, to walk, to stretch, to feed your mind with thoughts that support your highest self. Redirect your thoughts—step one. Redirect your choices —step two.”

Oof, their words hit me like a truth I already knew but clearly needed to hear again.

I sat with it for a while, then asked the next question I needed clarity on: When I think of being a medium, what emotion does it bring up?

The answer surprised me: remorse. Oh my! Insert tears. I hadn’t expected that, but the moment it surfaced, I paused to dig deeper—and suddenly, I understood why.

Somewhere inside, I had been holding onto the belief that maybe I hadn’t always been good enough in the past, and that fully stepping into my mediumship would somehow redeem me—that it would make me more worthy. I hadn’t even realized I was carrying that weight. It wasn’t that I saw myself as a bad person, but rather, the idea of being worthy of this gift made me question whether I was meant to do this simply because I could. Was it truly my calling, or just an awareness?

But my guides weren’t interested in my self-doubt.

Immediately, I heard: “That is a false narrative. Your past experiences didn’t define you—they shaped you. Without them, there would be no growth. They are not something to be ashamed of, but something to honor. Your calling is what you make of it. To be of service doesn’t mean you have to be a medium. Search your heart, trust your feelings, and when you ask the questions, you will recognize the truth.”

And the truth was, when I gave readings—whether psychic or mediumship—I never wavered in knowing that what I was doing felt right. It felt aligned. It felt like helping others in the most authentic way I knew how.

Yet, I still felt a block somewhere, so I pushed deeper, asking for more insight and clarity. The word ‘repressed’ surfaced as the next emotion when I reflected on my mediumship

The answer came in waves—torture, persecution, being shunned, burned, jailed. Holy crap, that’s a lot on paper! Fear that clearly still lives in my DNA. I am not just carrying the weight of this life’s fears; I am carrying lifetimes of being told that what I do is dangerous, that who I am is unacceptable, that I will be punished for stepping fully into my power.

“You are waiting for a magic pill to heal this wound,” my guides told me. “But there is no pill. There is only choice. It is a risk, yes, because the world is divided. There will always be people who won’t understand. But you are strong enough. You are not letting the spirit world down. You are not letting God down. We are so very proud of you.”

Their words cracked me open a little more, and I found myself visually standing at a crossroads, looking down—feeling lost, hesitant, and afraid of what was in front of me, or in the distance.

But what if I looked up?
I closed my eyes and asked, If I looked up right now, what emotion would I feel?

And I saw the desert—barren, still, unforgiving, but also… resilient. The desert survives. It holds onto life, even in the harshest conditions. It does not beg for permission to exist—it simply does. And that’s when I realized, resilience has always been my gift. Even when I have hated it. Even when I have wished my path were easier. Resilience is the thing that has carried me here, and it will carry me forward. This is where you want to cheer and boo at the same time. Ugh.. the journey!

But… this—this is the heart of an awakening. It isn’t about something “woo” or mystical or out of reach. Yes, I’m journaling and tapping into my higher self, my spirit guides, but truth be told, everyone has that ability. This is about self-discovery. It’s about self-awareness, growth, and acceptance. It’s about giving ourselves grace, love, and more love. It’s recognizing the old stories we’ve carried, the ones that told us we weren’t enough, and rewriting them with truth. It’s about knowing that healing isn’t about fixing something broken—it’s about embracing ourselves fully and completely, as we are and as we are becoming.

So, to you, reading this now—if you’ve felt shame for where you are, regret for how far you feel from where you want to be, if you’ve carried fears that do not belong to you, that have lived in your bones longer than your memory can recall, if you’ve wondered if you’re strong enough to step into who you are meant to be… you are. And you always have been.

Look up.

Copyright 2025 Angelique Declercq. All rights reserved.
Art credit: Created with Adobe Firefly AI in Photoshop.