Finding Peace When You Weren’t There at the Time of a Loved One’s Passing
Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things we can go through. It often leaves us feeling empty and full of questions. We find ourselves wondering if there was something more we could have done or if we could have been there during their final moments. It’s easy to let guilt creep in, especially when we’re not physically present at the time of their passing. Those feelings are so real, and I think we all struggle with them in different ways.
I think back to when my dad passed away, before my mediumship abilities had awakened, and how his death marked a turning point in my life. He had been in hospice for weeks, and when I flew home to be with him, I stayed for a week until the hospice nurse suggested I return home, telling me they didn’t know how much longer he had left at that point. A week later, I got the call—my dad was gone. I wasn’t there at the moment of his passing, and at the time, it felt like I had missed something I couldn’t get back. I wondered if I’d somehow failed him by not being there.
But over the years, through the readings I’ve done and the messages I’ve received from spirit, I’ve come to understand something I couldn’t have grasped back then. Many souls, when they pass, choose for their loved ones not to be there. This doesn’t apply to every passing—especially tragic ones—but for those who didn’t make it to the hospital on time or were too far away geographically, they understand how deeply we can feel those final moments. They want us to remember them as they lived, not as they left.
It’s easy for guilt to settle in when we feel we’ve missed something important, especially in the passing of a loved one. But what I’ve come to understand through spirit is that guilt has no place in this process. Our loved ones don’t want us to carry the weight of not being there. Their souls understand the depth of our emotions and love for them and can often choose to pass when we’re not physically present, sparing us from the pain of their final moments. When we hold onto that guilt, we unintentionally block the healing we need. Letting go of it isn’t easy—it’s a journey. But our loved ones in spirit reassure us that it’s okay to release this burden. Instead of focusing on what we missed, we are invited to honor the love and life we shared. That’s where true healing begins.
Loss, as difficult as it is, offers us a profound opportunity for growth. What I’ve discovered is that loss can also be a doorway—a doorway to greater understanding, deeper love, and ultimately, peace. When we lose someone, we often think that’s the end of the connection. But what the spirit world has shown me time and time again is that love never dies. It just transforms.
The more I’ve opened myself up to spirit world through my readings, the more I’ve come to appreciate the messages and lessons that come with loss. The people we love are still with us, even after they’ve passed. Their presence lingers in the memories we carry and the love that remains. They never truly leave—they simply shift into a new form of connection, one that’s more spiritual than physical.
As I reflect on my dad’s passing and the countless souls I’ve connected with through my readings, one thing stands out above all: love is eternal. Our loved ones are still with us in so many ways, tucked into the little moments we experience each day. There’s nothing more beautiful than when I’m doing a reading for someone, and their loved one in spirit shares a current experience, like a birthday celebration or an anniversary—or even something as personal as someone getting a tattoo in their memory.
Another beautiful message that has come through many times, especially from parents who have passed on, is that just because they’ve crossed over doesn’t mean they stop being a mother or father. There is still so much power, influence, and love they can send us, energetically, from the other side. How many times have you heard someone say, “I know my dad helped with that,” or “I just knew he was here when that happened”? I’ll never forget the time I was having car trouble and said a little prayer to my dad for help. I get to the mechanic’s, and as I’m handing over my keys, I look up at the board of mechanics working that day and the only name on the board was “Joe”—my dad’s name. Coincidence? You tell me. I knew I was in the right place, and everything went smoothly.
Just know that our loved ones get a chance to see and be with us, even though it’s difficult for us to grasp, and we miss their physical presence. They understand that it’s not the same—but they are still there in their own way.
____________________________________
If you’re walking through grief right now, know that you’re not alone. Your loved ones are with you, and their love is always present. Grief is a process that takes time, and it’s okay to feel it all. There’s no set timeline for healing, and no right or wrong way to feel. Allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions, without judgment.
Remember the life they lived: Shift your focus to the moments of joy you shared with your loved one—the laughter, the adventures, the love. These are the things that truly define their legacy, not their final moments.
Copyright 2025 Angelique Declercq. All rights reserved.
Photo Credit: Personal photo of my dad Joe.